Gettin' some values

Values, they're not just for smart shoppers anymore.

Now the Democrats, sensing--quite correctly--that their party has none, are wanting them. Note to Dems: You can't pick up values in Nordstrom or Tiffany's. Even if you condescend to go to the Piggly-Wiggly to be lookin' fer 'em, you'd still come up short.

No friends, you actually have to hold certain things to be important in your life before they become "your values." It's the whole "caught, not taught" thing. Of course, Bill Clinton didn't need values because he did a great job of pretending. Because Bill Clinton can do that. Howard Dean, Wes Clark, and John Kerry made things worse by faking it.

However, Democrats sell themselves short when they claim they have no values. They DO! They value abortion on demand. They value high taxes for the redistribution of wealth. They value bigger government. They value lavish public spending to resolve serious social issues. They value special rights for homosexuals. They value a society that excuses lawbreaking. They value teachers union members' rights over the children in schools who aren't being taught. They value lawmaking by politically reliable courts, not by a vast body of legislators who are constantly up for re-election. They value talk (called diplomacy) over a strong military that is necessary to back up any negotiation. And they value the U.N. over U.S. sovereignty. Make no mistake, those ARE values.

But to put as fine a point as I can to this: they want conservative values. Are we seeing a change of heart? Is it because they want to know Jesus, want to rub elbows with enlisted Marines in the absence of cameras, or want to see people take home more of their own paychecks? Don't get too excited kids.

They want conservative values because such things help get people elected. They know that they're locked out of the south. They know that the industrial Midwest hates them (by ANY conventional wisdom, Kerry should have won Ohio, which lost TONS of jobs under Bush's watch). It's just an effort to steal away the most salient support that the Republicans have: the values voter. Yes, the right-wing, ultra-conservative, Jesus-lovin', Bible-readin'/beatin', regular-church-goin' and actually listenin', backy-chewin', NASCAR watchin' Christians.

They tried to pick this group away from Bush by running Mary Cheney's sexuality up their own flagpole. They tried it when they wanted to make Lynne Cheney out to be a bad mom for coming to her daughter's defense. It was a tactic. And it failed. It didn't divide Bush from his constituency, but rather made Kerry, Cahill, Deshong and others look like creeps. The values voters, dim though they be, saw it for what it was.

Funny thing 'bout them critters...they can smell a fake a mile away.

The Democrats are free to get some values. But when the motivation to do it is driven by the ultimate goal of achieving power, and not a desire to become a person of real character, the effort is often doomed from the start.